Thursday, June 23, 2011

Sometimes when the storm moves in...

We (Judy and I) just made it back to the barn in time. The moment we got our horses in the cross ties and began sliding off the saddles the heavens opened up. But what a ride it was..

Sometimes,in life,there is no shelter from the storm.I believe at times it is what is meant to be, that I'm meant to battle the storm.That it will develop something in me to be better,wiser,stronger and more confident. Becoming Self Aware presents it challenges.But arnt we worth it?How else will wisdom come if we dont get rained on once in a while? How can we help others if we've never truly been there ourselves?

If you've ever felt like a child in an adult body then maybe you get where I'm coming from. I never felt fully grown up..I am a kid at heart..And at times I make really stupid mistakes because I can only see things from one angle, MINE..until a storm blows in & soaks me through and through while pushing me all over the place do I become aware I'm about to learn a valuable lesson.

I have to be honest and tell you, that for the first time in my life, at the age of 39, It took my horse Bubba & my Daddy passing away to really give me the wake up call i needed to grow up. Grief, a journey we all will walk someday or have all ready, teaches you a lot about yourself. You will definitely find out where your strengths and weaknesses lie. Whether you like it or not.

There are so many injustices in life, that if you don't find out who you really are, it can ruin you..It darn near ruined me. Can you tell me if you really like yourself? What are your thoughts about YOU. What do you believe in? Where do you draw the line? When are you most scared? Where are you most challenged? What part of you would you change?
These were all questions I just could not answer & if I could the answers were surely negative ones. 

I am still grieving the loss of my Daddy. So at this particular moment in time, though theres only a small threat of rain. I still feel drops of water on my face.Though its not flooding with rain outside, there are tears. Who am I now that I'm  not Daddys girl.. or Mama's girl, or the baby sister. Some of us lose our identity when loved ones pass on. Losing my favorite brother, my mother and now father has changed me so deep and on so many levels..and not for the worse but for the better..They will forever not only be just a part of me..but their incredible influence on my life and the incredible amount of love they gave me and how they encouraged me to just be me, has helped mold me. They dont have to be here for me to continue to grow.. Even if i hadnt acted on those beliefs, i still know them & it looks like a darn good place to start..

So the next time it threatens rain, don't be so quick to run for shelter! Sometimes when the storm moves in your supposed to get wet..