Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Pete and Repeat

Growing up with a mother who was very hard of hearing and a father whose sense of humor was sometimes brutal,turned out to be a strangely wonderful concoction for laughter in our house..It's something I'll always remember about home.. Memories of laughing so hard to tears were too numerous to count. Laughter was always present...
My Dad would play the sound game..Where my mother was nearly deaf in her left ear and dad always sat to her left at the kitchen table. He took full advantage of that. Mom did have partial hearing in her right ear where she wore her hearing aid & I always sat to moms right. As my mom would try to tell me about her day my dad would act like a ventriloquist & screech. it would interrupt the whole conversation and I swear my mother would always look right at him, but dad was so good he'd just pretend to work the tv guide crossword puzzle. So again mom would tap her hearing aid which would make it whistle and then mom would restart where she left off what she was trying to say. Just as mom would get on a roll dad would let out another screech and poor mom would now be thinking it was her hearing aid battery going dead. So again she would begin to fuss & fiddle with it and press it and pop it out and put it back in and there were so many screeches and whistles it would take all I had not to laugh when she said R2D2 and my dad the agitater would say in his lowest voice knowing mom couldn't hear him "now don't you laugh carolyne". And that's all it would take for me to be in tears again from laughing so hard..

God Bless her good spirit because she sure was the butt of many jokes. She laughed with us more than she ever got angry..Her laugh was even more contagious. 

I remembered once asking my mother what time it was as she stood at the stove cooking and she looked at me as serious as could be and answered "Roast beef & mashed potatoes" Mom was very proud and rather than ask you to repeat yourself she would pretend she heard what you said.. That day she did ask me what i said and I laughed so hard that I had her howling and it took me minutes before I could even get out what I had asked her....So for years the inside joke in our home, when someone would ask for the time, mom would reply " it's a quarter past roast beef".

My Father would also play the "what?" game with my mother..She would say something and my dad would reply "WHAT???" and mom would repeat herself and again dad would ask "What???" And again she would repeat herself and Dad would again ask "WHAT???" I would be laughing so hysterically at this point which always gave it away and Dad would keep on with the what game until mom would play angry & charge the table with what ever cooking utensil she had in hand and say "Okay Pete and repeat you both wanna live to see tomorrow???I guess I was guilty by association. You'd think these jokes and games would get old but my dad always had a perfect sense of timing as well..

Both my parents are with the Lord now but I still thank God every day that HE chose them to be my parents..and it's comforting when the grief subsides a  while,how I'm able to recall those good memories once again.There a gift, they truly are.

One early spring morning while having coffee at the kitchen table with my mom she heard the birds chirping outside the window. She could never hear birds chirping and to see her like a little kid filled with so much excitement over birds chirping and..To see her smile so big and to hear her say "I can hear the birds singing?" was a memory I'll never forget..Because of her I pay attention to things I hear and see that I probably never would have had I not grown up with a mother hard of hearing..
and My Daddy could always hear the things you didn't speak..It was what you didn't say that spoke to him the loudest..He had an uncanny way of getting right into your heart when you were trying to put on your best smile to hide the pain..I not only miss being understood like that i miss being known that well. Who knows you better than your parents. He always kept things real..its an amazing gift when someone knows the words you don't speak or cant. They feel them in their heart somehow that somethings wrong or off & they refuse to let you pretend its all okay..Sometimes just being heard is a greater gift then the best advice..

I am so grateful to God because He gave me parents so vastly opposite,Both who taught me to laugh,laugh often & laugh at myself. To listen and hear things unspoken.To never turn a deaf ear to anyone, including myself was a no no in my home.And to never take one day for granted.. 

For you Mama Psalms 118:24- This is the day which the Lord hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it.

and You my Daddy - when we've been there ten thousand years, bright shining as the sun, We've no less days to sing God's praise, then when we first begun..

Till We meet again....

Saturday, February 18, 2012

Somehow, Someway, Someday

I don't know about you,but this has sure been a time of change.. I think most people can handle change in small doses but its the big ones that seem to knock me off my feet for a while. Most of us don't like it but will tolerate it. 

But what happens if  devastating change occurs in our life because of others or because we've just been plain ol blindsided?  And since the options are few it leaves dealing with it or not dealing with it. I've heard it referred to as a wall, a hiccup, a bump in the road, a pothole, drowning, your head just above water,  or even stepping stones as my dad used to say. Is it as simple as tightening your belt and going on..One foot after the other. Sometimes these changes are a necessity. Sometimes those changes are through no fault of our own. The challenge comes when I may not have caused it but I'm sure left to deal with it..then what???

though we cant see it now there's a hope, that somehow in the end it will not only work out but be whats best for us. There's a hope that will be a better stronger us at the end of it all..

But what do you do in the here and now, the very painful now, it doesn't quite feel so hopeful or like we will emerge the victor that's for sure..and because there's always a but), what do you do when it seems everything around you is changing at a pace that you cant keep up with..One that leaves you standing with your shield trying to protect yourself? What do you do when your blindsided so bad that it renders you stuck,useless, sad and depressed? When that small bump in the road that only required a little defensive driving turns into an avalanche of events that make you realize in a matter of seconds yours life's about to come to a screeching halt then what do you do?

Sometimes there's no one there to throw you a life jacket.Sometimes the only hope is you getting yourself out. Saving yourself. When putting your feet on the floor to start your day becomes the biggest challenge you've ever faced it is time to go back to basics. I'll tell you what, you start taking care of you..You stop all the sacrificing for everyone else and you take care of the one who matters

We end up in these places...maybe your place is man overboard with your head just barely above water, maybe your place is simply being lost, maybe those you thought you could count are not only NO where in sight but the cement block that's tied around your neck threatening to drown you.  Maybe a longtime friendship is now broken, a Relationship severed, Maybe you lost someone dear to you or your going to. Maybe your sick of being used and then throw to the side like an old toy..That day to day that used to be so comfortable has not only changed but now your left trying to figure it all out and wondering how to simply survive.

I do believe that sometimes these things happen to make us better, of course we cant see the better right now because right now it hurts & feels hopeless..I have to believe that all this change, all this heartache, all these lessons will somehow, someway,someday make me better and stronger. 

There's always a lesson to be learned and the past few years for me have been the proof of that..Big change in even Bigger doses. I've been turned upside down and shaken, I've been left stranded, I've even feared for my life. But Right now, this very moment, it seems like my life is getting fine tuned..a little tweaking here, a minor alteration there..I've lost Friendships I've lost loved ones..I've also gained friendships and realized who really loves me.

I've felt like the last man standing, Ive felt alone and abandoned. I've felt neglected and used up..Now i see what happens when you refuse too look at the truth or the situation for what it really is..It took a long time for me to be able to stand on my own to feet. And it took even longer to realize what I'm made of..because through it all, my fault or no fault of my own, you see yourself..when you constantly make excuses for others or worse you make excuses for yourself, you only delay the inevitable."PAIN" 
When it gets down to it, when I'm in that lowly place..that lonely place, that broken place.The only thing I can clearly see is what I'm made of. Sometimes I'm left with wondering how I'm gonna fix it or worse how do i deal with something that cant be fixed. For me the answer is taking care of me..for once choosing me..having a little faith in me..Asking God to help me.